And we're back!!!

Sorry everyone about the silence. I was having a baby!!!
Clara Soeiro Schneider was born at the 20-12-2012 (how cool is this date???), with 2.94kg and 54.5cm (I know, supermodel, right?)
She came into this world by a c-section delivery, due to the fact she was breech all the way through pregnancy.
The operation was really great, I was super confident and the Homerton Hospital medical team did a great job. They made me feel comfortable and secure and I have nothing to complain about. They even accepted my requests: having my baby girl delivered onto my chest straight after she was out of my tummy, waiting till the cord stopped pulsing to be cut and allowing me to have skin to skin with her before taking her to measure and weight.
After we left the theater, they took me to a recovery room, where she had her first feed. It was so magical, having my daughter over me, happily feeding as if we knew each other since forever.

The following 48 hours at the hospital were not that great. I couldn't sleep at all (I can handle my baby crying but definitely NOT 8 babies crying at the same time!). I was surprised by the number of moms that were bottle feeding their babies. It's clearly the culture of this country, they have lots of issues about breastfeeding, it is not that common.

Saturday the 22nd we came home with our little princess. It took us a couple of days to adjust ourselves to the new life, to stop crying every time she cried but now I can say we are doing really great! Husband has been the best dad ever, so caring and loving, he's been a huge help! And me, well, I still spare on tear or two when Clara screams for no apparent reason but I'm super proud of the way we are doing things.

We are sleeping well at night, she only wakes up twice, so we can have a reasonable amount of hours per night (enough not to become zombies). And during the day she is a champ! Sleeping with loud music or TV, lights on e even the washing machine on!

As you can see we are pretty much in love with our girl. She is the sunshine of those wintery days. Everyday she learns something new, it's a new expression on her face, a new look, a new smile. She is getting really chubby with big cheeks!

She is the sweetest little thing, just perfect.

Today she turns 2 weeks old. And I know... time flies...she will be in university in blink of an eye!

Clara - 1 week old in her very cool outfit chosen by her dad

A letter to you (2)

Honey,

Mama cannot put down in words the love I feel for you right now. You are the centre of everything. You are the only thing in my mind and heart and I can't stop thinking about you.

I feel you moving inside me and think this might be the last day we have this kind of relationship. That probably from tomorrow on, I will see your face, and hear you crying for me, will hold you in my arms and tell you that we will be alright, that we are a team now and you will never be alone.

If everything goes like we have planned, tomorrow we will have our c-section and you will be out into this world. I know, maybe you will still turn last minute, but I keep feeling your head right up my stomach and believe you will stay where you are. I have to confess that I got used to the idea of having you tomorrow with me and am super excited right now.

Oh, Clara, it's not gonna be easy, I know. I'm a bit terrified of staying 3 days at the hospital without your father. He doesn't know that, but he is my big source of strenght. Him and his kind eyes and sweet voice, the minute he holds me, I feel safe. You will see, he will charm you as well. You will love his cuddles. I can visualize waking up in the middle of the night and seeing his silhouete, holding you, telling you his little secrets.

Only one more day, baby, one more. Hold tight little angel, we will live quite an adventure!

Love,
Mama.

Hopes for a better world for you

My mind currently goes back to the victims of that horrible massacre in Connecticut. Now that I have a new human being growing inside me, I deeply feel for those mothers and fathers who lost their children. I can't even read the articles or see the news about what happened in that school that day, it only makes my heart hurts so much.

And I really can't stress myself this week. This is a crucial week for all of us. Week 38, almost there! And I am and will be happy about it!

It's funny how we (as parents) think we can decide everything. That we have the power over our small babies. But since the womb they are there to show us that we have no control at all over our lives anymore. From now on, it's their rules and you have to follow!

I was planning a very relaxed natural birth. I was so curious about it, being so different from every birth story I ever heard, that I really wanted to try. I wanted to be in water, with my husbands hands massaging my back, breathing deeply, making cow noises, no medications, just the three of us connected to this miraculous event that's birth. But, at 37 weeks and a half, baby decided that she didn't want to be born that way. "No way" she might have thought "This is too hippie, I'm a super modern girl and I don't want to be dropped in water!" Well, my little stubborn girl decided she won't turn upside down! It is comfy the way it is, she is there sitting down, waiting the right moment to meet her parents and well, it's just to much hassle to be upside down anyway!

And here we are. We tried everything you can imagine for turning this baby. I did acupuncture, moxibustion - a burning cigar that goes very near your small toe for 15 minutes and it's supposed to open more space on your uterus so baby could turn - I was upside down myself for 1 minute everyday, and we went to the hospital for a ECV.

ECV (External Cephalic Version) it's a technique done by doctors where they kind of grab the whole baby from outside your belly and just try to force them to turn. I know, it doesn't sound right ans IT IS NOT. OMG, how much that thing hurts!!!! I felt like they were tearing me apart, changing position of all my internal organs... And baby didn't turn. She is SO her father's daughter.
I'm not surprised if the turns last minute just to make a statement!

I know lots of mothers out there will say that it's still possible to have a natural vaginal birth even with a breech baby, but I'm just too scared now. I'm already worrying a lot why she didn't turn, is there's something wrong with her and etc. I believe not even all the relaxing tapes in the world could calm myself down to try to have a natural birth with her in this position. So we are going for an elective cesarean.  And because I complete my 39th week at Christmas day, they scheduled it for the 20th, two days from today!

I can't wait to meet my baby girl, my sweet angel, my little best friend! Can't wait to hear her cry at the theater room, all purple from the birth. And they will put her over my tummy and she will make a huge effort to try to open her tiny eyes to see her mom. And I'll tell her how much I already love her and how excited we are to meet her. And I will feed her for the first time in my life, feeding another being with my own body, and we will become friends, and we will have good laughs during the course of this amazing experience that's parenthood.

One friend of mine wrote me a lovely e-mail and she said: "but soon she will be in your arms and it will seem like the universe has revealed its grand purpose for you". She's right, this is the meaning of life, raising other humans so they can be part of the society.

Even the society not being great, and stupid things like giving guns to boys who are so angry, so scared themselves is a very dangerous thing. Even people being greedy, competitive, liars. Even with all the horrible things that happen in this world, it is still a wonderful place to be.
And I'll show little Clara all the good things this world has to offer. Love, laughs, beautiful landscapes, music, compassion, dance, friendship, furry animals, everything!


Can't wait to meet you baby. It's getting very close now. Love you,
Mama.

Clara's Nursery Room

Building the nursery was huge fun! For the first time in my life, I could plan a room from scratch. To think about every single detail and go for it!
I'm super happy with how it looks, it's exactly what I had in mind, it's just so cute!
I really wanted her to have a few things from the places where her mom and dad formerly lived, that's the result:

Her Eames pink elephant was a gift from my dearest friend Silvia. Her husband and her were part of my daily life here in London for more than 2 years before they decided they would move back to Brazil to have their little girl (who might be born at any time now), breaking my heart in little pieces.

The cot mobile and blanket are from Mamas and Papas, a shop I simply adore in London. They were also presents from dearest people who I simply can't thank enough for their generosity. The owl was a surprise gift from two adorable girls to whom I lent our house for a few days.

Here it comes the Scandinavian team. The cot bumper and changing mat are from Sweden. I got them from an super cute online shop called The Modern Baby. The owner of this shop, Suzanne, it's the cutest lady I've ever met, mother of two little ones. I totally recommend you go check her shop NOW!

Finnish Marimekko little suitcase was also a gift from my lovely friend Pinja, from Pinjacolada. It's just SO cute!

On the wall, we will have Olga, a blue monster originally from Liniers, an Argentinean illustrator who I love. I couldn't find any of his posters to buy so I redraw it myself. We also have the cutest little squirrel  from an English illustrator (sorry, forgot her name!).

The latest purchase is my gor-ge-ous Eames lounge chair that's just breathtaking! So beautiful, so comfortable! Can't wait to spend my days and nights nursing her on our chair! Thanks husband!!!!!

This is where we will spend our days from now on. I believe our little Clara will be very happy here!
I hope you liked it!

This post is for you

Clara,

This is the first of what I hope will be a new series here on the blog: Posts just for you, Clara. At the beginning of pregnancy, I was writing quite a lot for you, but as usual, mama gets busy, and stops her very cool projects.

So I'll keep writing to you here, this way, you may find this website one day and be delighted by how much mama loves you.

Dear baby inside my belly, we are almost there. I absolutely can't wait to see your face, your eyes, check if you have one pointy ear like mine, kiss your fingers, bite your chubby tights, feel your smell.

I can't even describe how much I already love you and we haven't even met in person yet.

I wonder if you'll recognize me after you get out my tummy. If you'll look at your dad and know he's the guy that every night tells you secrets that only the two of you can hear. If you will know how much joy you brought to our lives since you started growing inside my belly. 

We know it'll be tough. I know I will daily cry of fear: is she too warm? too cold? hungry? sick? I know this will be my life from now on. But I'm also very sure we will have lots of fun together.

That you and your dad will be best friends, I already can see you two conspiring against me, and giggling like teenagers. I can imagine the clear picture of you, holding your shovel and bucket going to the beach to build sand castles. I can see you making funny faces when your front teeth start falling and that we will laugh out loud with all the super funny things you will say.

I don't know what the future holds to us, your mama and dad are not very keen of settling down, you will soon sort this out. But I'm very sure that wherever we live, we will be the most happy family on the block and that our house will be filled with love. 

I love your dad very much. He's an awesome guy. He is very handsome, you will totally fall in love for him. He's also super funny and silly, and he loves to make me laugh and soon he'll do that to you as well. My heart melts when I imagine the two of you together, it will be really cute.

Can't wait to hang you drawings on the fridge, to prepare your lunchy to go to school, to eat popcorn and watch a movie under the blankets with you. I love you baby girl.

We have only one month to go now. 4 weeks and you will be into this world. And I promisse, baby, I promisse you I'll be here to look out for you always.

Cuddle up yourself, honey, because it's cold outside and we will soon be united.

Lots of kisses, 

Mama.

A Most Curious Kids Fair

If you're in London and love kid's stuff, you just can't miss the Most Curious Kids Fair in Bethnal Green this Saturday.

It's gonna be full of great brands, adorable products and the most desirable things for your child.

I've been following them on facebook for a few weeks and I'm delighted how they managed to collect so many cool people to sell on the fair, so cool!

I've been saving my lunch money so I can get something cute for baby girl! I jus't can't wait!

I hope to see you there!

Do you wanna go for a walk with me?

If you could join me today at the park I was going to tell you I woke up this morning feeling blue.

That it makes me a bit guilty to fell like that and that I don't wanna baby girl to think this mama doesn't love her (which I do, VERY MUCH) but I got a bit tired of being pregnant.

Walking on yellow dry leaves, I would tell you that I'm feeling huge and tired all the time. That I've been sleeping so badly lately, that my head spins and spins with worry and that I just can't breathe.

We would sit on a bench to recover from the walk and I would confess I'm constantly hungry but feel horrible after eating, and complain a bit that there is no more empty space inside me. You would tell me to be patient, that I'm almost there, that there's only 5 weeks to go, and I would feel shy and ashamed that I'm filling your ears with my complains.

We would for sure curse the weather which is not helping much, being so dark, so cold. We would walk a bit more till the Pavillion to grab a coffee and warm up our frozen hands. I would smile watching the kids feeding the ducks and my heart would melt thinking on Clara in a red winter jacket, throwing bread on the lake.

That would be nice, if you could join me.